To my friend who has lost her husband

My Dear Helza,

You will not, I hope, think me intrusive at such time if I write a few lines to tell you of my deep sympathy and sorrow for your bereavement.

Nothing that one can say in such circumstances can adequately express the feelings which all entertain for you, but it will be some little consolation for you to remember even in your deep grief that your hubby was so greatly loved and respected by us all, and that we sincerely mourn the loss of a friend who had endeared himself to every one......Alfatihah.. I enclosed here an excerpt of my friend's blog who had known your husband : wanshana ( article entitle : apolitical no more...hope u don't mind shana..)..in one of her postings :-

.

.....A friend of Ayah's just passed away 2 hours ago. He was 40 years old. He finally succumbed to colon cancer which was only diagnosed less than 2 months ago.......He left behind a wife, and 4 small kids - the youngest being 3 years old.........May you rest in peace, Jim - Allahyarham Zulkifli Muhammadun (1968-2008)...AlFatihah....

...and Helza was calm that night..

Here is her husband's comment ( in reply to my comment) :-

Arwah Zul M was one of the nicest person I had known...A very good Muslim, who never uttered a bad word about anyone. I was with him the night before. We had a good chat. He was being himself..in his usual high spirit.

We have indeed lost a truly remarkable friend. Sama2lah kita doakan agar roh arwah dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama orang2 yg beriman...

See, Helza, your husband was famously known as a very nice muslim..I am sure isn't this what all of us been hoping..to be remembered in the nicest way when we are gone...My prayers that his/your generations and ours follow suit...and as we have known each other since Abr** days..I know you are strong..remember u were also the one who had given me support during my grief over the demise of my mother..


I loss my dear mother due to the same cancer. I was with her performing umrah in Mecca when the doctor said she has just another few months after the operation but she survived almost a year.. She was a survivor until the end of her life...It wasn't easy carrying her around on a wheel chair..I guess that time it was Allah strength that had made me strong...Remembering her endless cried at night of the pain, boredom of swallowing pills, bloated stomach and knees for water retention..(cancer had spread to her liver), calling after her dear ones when nearing her death...I surely know the feeling taking care of our dear ones...each time counting minutes..not sure whether I had done enough to lessen the pain...or even worse..sleepless night...scared of i'd be dozed long enough without having the chance to see her the next morning...I miss her so much..still am..but as I mentioned in my sms to u..Allah has his plans...he has promised test to each and every one of us...Be strong my friend..

Also, my dear daddy left us behind for stomach cancer...again and again during his days..asked me to take care of my children..take care....take care...that last touch on my cheek was actually his last touch...a father to her daughter...still miss him..

I hope..you are strong..and do not let grief take over you for a long time as it did to me...


I was quite worried as u didn't reply any of my calls and sms...but later the next evening pop up this sms of urs (and I am very relief.).:-

Thx K.ita. I'm ok. Pls pray for Allah to give me strength to take care of the 4 zuls...

Later in another reply to my sms when asking how are the boys doing...u replied:-

Ok. 1st excellent.2nd demam. 3rd refuse going to school. But its ok. Stil in tadika. 4th stop asking for Zul coz t answer is still t same.Alhamdulilah..Slowly adjusting..

You will, I trust, pardon my suggestion that if I can in any way be of assistance to you in your trouble you have but to tell me.

Trusting that time may serve to lessen your great sorrow, and heal the terrible wound you have sustained, I am, with true sympathy...

Insy'Allah..both of you shall be reunited again in Jannah..


Salam Kaseh sayang....K.Eta

p/s: I am adult orphan...that left me with a husband...for me to confide in many things. ...I'd rather not say here of my worries if the same thing happen...so from now on..I am saying to myself..to appreciate my partner...cherish the love..for as long as we'r still together..Merajuk pada yang sayang..Berkasih pada yang sudi...

Kalis rindu..

If translated into English..simply means..

Ooo..oo.. not that easy..Can anyone help?

If 'kalis bunyi' = sound proof

If 'kalis air' = water proof

The list go on...

But this 'kalis rindu'...a new song mad by the new generations..a catchy song..I simply go blank..

Am missing somebody?..am missing something?

So..what am I rambling about at this moment???

Perhaps ..too much..of Raja Lawak jokes, or too much worried over a friend who'd just lost her husband or recent polls' result..(couldn't be..) .or end of school holidays that I loss all the energy and require badly for the 'mc'...and ayah has to go iron his own baju..becoz...isterinya mengambil kesempatan untuk cuti berehat..setelah berkecimpung dengan giat melayan kerenah anak-anak masa cuti sekolah yang baru-baru ini...

To be continued...

p/s:..Pemikiran tiba-tiba menjadi agak perlahan..entah ape-ape yang difikirkan


( Will be right backk!!)...I remain....a mother of four...

Happy 6th bday..

To my dear lil' princess..aka..Mak Su Iyam...

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to Maryam
HAppy Birthday to you

And yesterday...mama's day was really occupied with your goodie bags..and piza bread for your classmates...bread pudding for your neighbours' friends as well...

Remembering today at 4.45pm in 2002...you were so sweet..that mama immediately forgot all the pain...and was the only one who cd never accept the pacifier..despite how many attempts...and you were very close to me..that ayah at times feel at loss whenever mama was away even for a little time..say ..pi kedai..as you're just not the 'bottle' type...

U woke up very cheerful and that's my girl...no more...hu..hu ..manja...manja..ok!

And still no bday cake...kan kita dah kata nak tunggu kakak2 and buy one this special cake..hopefully ayah tak lupa..

All my hugs and kisses for you Maryam..and like any other mummy...all prayers too..for your good health..

...perjalanan masih jauh anakku...

being the smallest from the rest mama hope you will look up to your sisters...follow the good examples..ok..anak solehah...make mama and ayah proud...

Kenang Daku Dalam doamu..

And on why your name is not spelled as mariyam..becoz Maryam..taking after Nabi Isa's Mother's name...may u carry all the strength and beauty..

RM 25.90...

That was it...I lost a RM25.90 battle over my kid's school shoes..and I'm pretty mad.. actually..very mad at this 'one person'..that i swear...come rain or shine..that wd be my last visit to his shop..and I'd swear..my generation would either!

I bought m3 school shoes yesterday...as a birthday present and also to replace her worn shoes bought 2 years ago...i did not realize actually the shoe's magnet actually is not 'up-to'..but when i got home yesterday my instinct just feel 'not-right' as the box looked a little funny..

I quickly wipe 'shoe-white' on it..so that it'd dry fast ..and I think I did saw that the buckle was somehow funny as well..but I was not that clever ..continue to finish the wiping..leave them dry.. ..hopefully m3 wd get to wear them.

Today around 1 pm, m3 complained that she cd not buckle the magnet..'dah patah'.. broken..luckily she still has another shoe which she doesn't quite like...sebab tapak dah haus....

La..I was...$#@*?!!!!

I went back straight to the shop after sending m3 to her school together with goodie bags for her classmate...

I showed the shoes to the 'pakcik'..but becoz I had wipe them with show white..that 'pakcik' arrogantly denied my request for an exchange...grumbling and nagging over the loss and other losses that he had suffered becoz many parents request for exchange...

He nagged...on and on..

I cd feel that I am losing my temper..so I said:-

Me: " Pakcik..saya pelanggan tetap...sejak duduk sini saya..rasa hampir 4 tahun..macam2 kelengkapan sekolah saya beli di sini..baju pengakap, puteri islam, kasut, beg, baju sekolah, baju dalam, topi, selipar,tudung..,anak tudung...dsg...ini kasut ..saya rasa pakcik saje tak perasan..masukkan dalam kotak ..yang dah koyak hujung ni...jual pada orang..entah2..ni kasut reject..pakcik ..saje jual..kot-kot pelanngan tak perasan dan malas nak susah-payah pulang..jadi pakcik untung le....lepas tu... pakcik...bising tentang kerugian..tentang orang lain yang buat pakcik rugi...Ini rm 25.90...rm25.90!..berbaloi kah dengan jumlah untung pada barang lain yang saya dah beli!!!( Ape lak nak jawab pada Ayah!..ini pakcik tak mau kasi tukar kasut!!)...My heart beat faster...

Pakcik: "Tak boleh tukar!..Saya dah rugi banyak!

For few seconds..I was speechless...(ape ni???? I said to myself!!)..tried hard not to burst my anger..

Me: Tak pe lah pakcik..simpan je lah kasut ni.....kiralah untung pakcik banyak2!! Jgn lupa ..ade 2 lagi kedai kasut baru buka kat sini.......( there goes my big mouth!)..Was i rude?

I went away..with all the 'not-nice' feelings..I was frustrated...I think I just let the pakcik won...I think it's just not worth arguing with that st**born old gr**y man..I am sorry..I am damned angry becoz I've lost my right as a consumer ....why wouldn't I stand for my right?..chic ken!!!
I am angry for my foolishness....

I loss RM25.90..real lot that I cd use it instead for a couple of magazines/story books for my kids..or even..over a very delicious couple of KFC dinner plate..hu..hu...

But actually..when i think back..its the principle or attitude or to be exact ,his way of conducting the biz..that had annoyed me..

I abhor the incident!..really!!

The morale is...pls recheck your item..keep the receipt..in case u need to return them...if they are shoes..remember do not splash them with shoe white unless double check they are perfectly ok...

I am poorer today by RM25.90..sorry for me being so emotional...( but I least I think I had managed to get the message across to him...or maybe he just couldn't careless...)

Kasih, kekasih

Slot Alkulliyah di TV3 Jumaat yang lalu mengupas satu topik yang cukup menarik bagiku dan aku pasti untuk sekelian insan di muka bumi ini...

Dimulai dengan pengenalan erti kasih, kekasih dan siapa yang berhak dikasih serta yang paling penting..

Kasih dan cinta pada yang satu..Allah u Rabbi..Ar Rahman ArRahim..Ini ynag paling utama..seharusnya...

Kasih Ibu kepada anak2nya....tidak akan terbalas oleh anak2nya

Kasih anak kepada Ayah Ibunya.........

Cinta pasangan Suami Isteri

Cinta sesama insan dan segenap makhluk di muka bumi ini...

Mengakhiri slot hari itu adalah jawapan dari penceramah kepada beberapa soalan antaranya iaitu:-

"Bagaimana mahu mengekalkan kasih sayang di antara pasangan suami isteri?"

• Nilailah pasangan pada perkara yang baik-baik sahaja..walaupun ade kekurangan kerana setiap insan begitulah kejadiannya...jangan dicari2 kelemahan...jangan diungkit2 kesilapan serta perbaiki kesilapan dengan teguran yang paling berkhidmah...Ibarat percaya pada kehebatan Allah..hebat juga pasangan anda...sudah pasti cinta bertaut berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat..
  

• Pamirkan pada pasangan anda perkara yang baik2 juga..try to impress..always try...ibarat seperti baru bercinta....harum dan wangi...menarik sentiasa...

"Bolehkah cinta pada suami tapi minat pada lelaki lain???"

• Minat kerana apakah?..why minat..? boleh minat contohnya..minat kerana bentuk penyampaian ceramahnya...cara percakapan..cara berhujah....tetapi awas!!!! jangan lebih-lebih..nanti pasangannya cemburu....tak baik!!!

Kupasan topik begitu bernas..tapi sayang...satu jam..sesungguhnya tidak memadai....walaubagaimanpun..satu pengisian rohani buat diriku ..yang aktiviti seharian..hanya berkisar pada rumahtangga...anak-anak dan suami...and I long for an evening with old friends..over teh tarik and roti canai perhaps..I do miss just hanging out with friends during those lunch time..exchanging stories..jokes..gossippss???....loneliness kills...

Didalam setiap perjalanan hidup kita..pasti kita akan berjumpa dengan mereka-mereka yang berpengalaman tentang soal hidup..tentang cinta...yes ..love is cinta...cinta monyet, cinta remaja..cinta dewasa...

Langsung mengingatkan aku pada perbualan lewat tahun 2004 bersama arwah Prof Muhammad AlMahdi ( Founder of Khalifah Institute)..iaitu..

Your other half is worth more than you could ever think of...respect each other..love each other.....

Itu juga mengingatkan aku pada bait-bait tulisan warkah arwah ayahandaku apabila membalas warkahku dari perantauan..(tatkala memohon restu bagi sebuah persahabatan) membicarakan tentang perkara-perkara yang perlu difikirkan sebelum memberi kata putus pada bakal suami..sebelum membuat keputusan..

• Sejauh mana dia menghormati kita
• Pernahkah dia mencegah ataupun menghalangi Eta dari mendapat sesuatu
• Bagaimana kerjasama Eta dengan dia dalam sesuatu perkara
• Apa reaksi Eta terhadap keputusan keputusan yang dia buat
• Bagaimana pula halnya tentang urusan keewangan
• Apakah dia seorang yang suka memperendah-rendahkan martabat kaum wanita
• Bagaimana pengaruh keluarga dia dalam hal ini
• Bagaimana hak-hak Eta sebagai suri rumah tangga

Diakhir kalam ayah menambah :

Self-sacrifice and forbearance are the passwords to happiness in married life

Indeed self-sacrifice and forbearance are representative of our religion that we profess very assuredly. They head a big family of new virtues, economy, sobriety, and steadiness in social relations and patience and sweetness of temper in private relations. There will be no chance of friction between the husband and wife who practise them, and absence of friction means that the machinery is running smoothly....

Ayahbonda merestui pilihan Eta semoga bahagia sampai ke anak cucu....penghujung warkah yang cukup berharga dan bermakna buat diriku pada sekitar hujung 1990...

Itulah sebagagian kasih daripada ibubapa kepada anaknya....dan aku pasti tiada tandingan...tidak akan terbalas...dan lagu ayah dan ibu dendangan Allahyarham Sudirman Hj Arshat menusuk kalbuku...serta lagu Gerimis semalam dendangan Seila Majid..menggerimiskan hatiku...dalam kerinduan yang tidak akan pernah padam ...selamanya...buat kedua2 arwah ayhbondaku..( I am sorry my hubby..my father was the most beloved man in my life...u don't mind, do u?...) AlFAtihah...

and I love strawberry....


and I love to remember all those people who had crossed my path..who had bring great joy and happiness to my life this so far..

Its the same tune again...

Nooo..its not the mozart sonata..or others like the one to my left..(..he..he..must be my kid itchy hand ..cut and paste to my desktop!) )....never like to remember the notes during music class..( but my friend..K***..always win our music teacher's heart.....Hi Km*r..I bet your kids love playing the piano) when the time comes..the tune wd be played over and over again on the media..

I think becoz I have heard it sooo..many times..( as fas as my mind cd remember..ar since...7 yrs old...eemmm..maybe earlier...) that the lyric is still fresh in my mind..wwoooaaa...if only I cd remember those history dates..maths equation.accounting standards...geography...theories during my school times..what more those science formula...lucky I never belong to those pure science class.. and am hoping one of my generation wd love to study science..)..That means...(Makna kata..in malay)...if your kids were played those 'lullaby'..time and many a time..again and again...ooo..multimedia effect le ni..hello IT people, this is correct right!..correct! correct!

So oblige to ur country my friends....do your duty...

'''....marila mari..pergi mengundi..tunaikanla kewajipan pada negara....la..la..la..la..la"

But its just a week a way..why am I so excited about it...Ooo..ok..maybe..its the school holidays that I am looking forward... kot...

Ok..Happy Friday..Have a nice weekend!!!Tra..

A truly flourishing life is impossible without paid employment

Sitting in front of the home pc....trying to ease off this headache...unfortunately there's no actifast or ponstan..(was told not to take any without the gastric pill...what to do!)..

Trying to focus on the subject but many a times... on and off.. been asked by the kids on this and that ..(their homework!!...mmm..spoon feeding!!again)..well talk about the obligations of a non-working mother...If only I could escape..but surely I'd feel guilty..( duduk kat rumah..takkan le tak bule tengok2kan homework budak2...well there goes my inner speach) and feel like writing something but the mind was just 'still'....beku!saturated!!

Remember this one article read in the newspaper..(some time in 2006)..just a phrase that means a lot :

"A truly flourishing life is impossible without paid employment"

And think it'd be best if I draft first...and perhaps search for the article which I think must be somewhere in the basket of my newspaper cuttings..(yeapp...no body touches mama's paper cuttings please!!!..mind u!)..and this subject is to be continued..sorry guys...

oo yes, just found the review..if u like to read and comment ..ta ta!

p/s: But then again...my inner speach....to be continued..

M3 turns 8 today...

Assalamualaikum Sarah..

Hari ni B'day Sarah le...Happy 8th Birthday...Insya'Allah when all kakaks are here for the coming school holidays nanti , kita pi beli kek ok..and insya'allah we shall have a little 'surprise' for you my dear..

PANJANG UMURNYA (2X), PANJANG UMURNYA SERTA MULIA ,SERTA MULIA. ALLAH SELAMATKAN KAMU (2X), ALLAH SELAMATKAN MAISARAH, ALLAH SELAMATKAN KAMU..

And time flies so fast....feel like just yesterday Mama had those labour pain and u were safely born on 21.2.2000 at A****G P***** Hospital...a crying baby..(used to be)..Funny .from you were born until at least 1 year old...u never fail to cry whenever we were on a journey in ayah's car..what was wrong..we simply don't know...once on our trip to balik kampung. poor ayah had to stop by the r&r just to pasang ur buai and ayah patiently trying to sooth u down..lullabying..and at the time ..for sure u know what had happen to mama...(he he..grumpy me)...and those memories shall stay with mama..infact with KMoon and KShua as well...and back then u were fondly name as Lala..or actually short form of Melalak..(omit the k and become Lala).Ok sayang U are now 8 years old...Mama shall always pray for you to be a good servant to our Creator and be granted with wisdom to know the difference and be protected always...so more be loved by all mankind..and as always...

Kenang Daku Dalam Doamu

M4 first visit to the dentist

She finished her scramble egg quite a lot than usual that morning..nervous actually after being told that we are bringing her to the dentist to pull out her very first tooth..as the real 'gigi' has for about two weeks showing off its presence right behind her baby tooth..

At the dentist, as usual, being Maryam, jumping up and down waiting impatiently for her turn. Little did she know that its going to be her first 'small pain' experience.When the nurse called out her name, she grabbed ayah's hand and went straight into the 'surgery' room...waiving to mama..nevermind mama could wait outside..(u've your superdaddy with u..)

After 20 minutes..she came out..already had the gauze fixed between her lips...pity her..

Mama: " Yam Ok...?"..Sakit sikit je kan..Brave girl..

Maryam: ...Just nodded her head..but I cd see tears at the corner of her eyes.

Ayah : " She said: "Bila doktor cucuk jarum..doktor buat yam sakit....""..She's ok la..

Few times...mama need to change her gauze...ishh..shian ni...

Later ayah belanja ice-cream...Alhamdulillah and Maryam is jumping up and down again..in her room start to write down something on a piece of paper..Oooo...she's writing to her big sisters and reminded mama to post the letter tomorrow...

And Maryam's smile ..from today onwards..would be different from her last smile..when she posed in front of her kakak..during the last school holidays...

Letter from a parent

My Dear Angles,

This is the first letter I have written to you since you left home to begin the new period of your life at school, and I think that perhaps it will serve to impress upon you still more distinctly the importance of much that I have said to you of late. I know that intentionally you will cause us no disappointment with regard to your conduct or your studies, but you are still very young, and know nothing of the temptations with which youth is best, nor of th evils which arise in after life from habits contracted at school under the influence of unprincipled associates.

It is my earnest hope that you may choose for your own friends clever and industrious girls, from whom you may learn how to combine accuracy and expedition in your work with proficiency in all manly sports and games. But I would rather that your friends were not brilliant and unable to be of worldly service to you than that they were clever and unprincipled.

Education is a most important thing, but its object is the formation of character rather than the acquisition of learning, and morals far outweigh Latin and Greek. I shall be proud if you could become a fine scholar, but heart broken if you are not a good individual.

So, my dear angle, I beg you to avoid everything that our Alquran and your conscience warn you is not right. You will find there all that you need to enable you to decide if you are compelled to make a choice between two lines of conduct; if, while you are still little, you find yourself uncertain after prayer, then write to me and you shall have the best advice that a very loving mother can give you.

Whatever you are doing, whether it is work or play, put your whole heart into it and do your best, according to the rules. You may not always be successful, but you can always be faithful, and while the world crowns "success," it is Allah who crowns "faithfulness." Do your duty to Him and aim at becoming a good Muslim, and all will be well.

Never waste your time. Make a point finding something to do, and do it hard. Indolence is about the worst habit a man can form, and remember, too, that doing nothing is not the only way of wasting time. It may do you even more harm, for instance, to read pernicious literature. You will doubtless find plenty of books in the school library. Read history and biography, both for instruction and amusement, and if you feel inclined for something lighter, read healthy stories of adventure or tales founded on fact.Whatever it is, so that it is good, read it attentively and methodically, and you will be surprised some day to find how useful a store of general information you have acquired.

There is much that I should like to say, but something of what I omit your good sense will supply. Write to us often and unreservedly. Always look upon us as your best friends, and hide nothing, not even your faults; I have been young, and can make allowances for what youth does, provided it is neither mean nor vicious.
Remember the magic word : "Usaha*Doa*Tawakkal". Until my next letter, take good care dear...

p/s: Your father send his fondest love

Always your affectionate mother,~Etamy~

To Kakak Moon, Kakak Shua, Lala and Iyam, many of the above are excerpts from your Late Tok Wan's letter. ( during mama's school day)..Mama still keep Tok Wan's letter and would love to share all his advices with you all.. You might not be able to have his presence but I can assure you that his many letters and words of wisdom have made mama what I am today..