The art of forgiveness..

Is there an art??

be kind to the unkind as they need it the most?

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Almost every Tuesday morning, I wd turn on Hello On TV2 at *8 am..just to watch my fav programme..vitamins for the mind..host non other by Prof Dr Muhaya Mohamed..my super duper senior of secondary school...

And without fail, i wd scrutinised and tried to remember each words said..(phuh..kalah take notes down zaman skolah2 dulu!!..)..and if my baby is not up yet..and whatever housechores need to be done early..finish up fast..a cup of nescafee..glued in front of tv..Bliss!!!

This morning, the topic struck me by lightning....

FORGIVENESS DOES NOT RUB THE PAST BUT IT SHAPES THE FUTURE...

a'ha..how's that!!

Bad man is a good man's job

Good man is a bad man's teacher...

So??..who wants to be a teacher to me?..Isshh..

************************I ponder..I ponder....***********************

Before you go sleep at night pls say forgiveness :
1) Seek from Allah The Almighty
2)Forgive everybody
3) Forgive yourself..

Say your prayers..and i am off to my zombieland..Nite2..everyone...

p/s:..And where is my partner?...Aiyoo..Larling...Badminton M'sia dah Kalah ngan Jepun lahh....and can you believe Ka*pal said budak tu Tipu...

Allah knows the truth..and the truth shall prevails....Lets Doa!!

Jikalau itu takdirNya..

Pagi tadi saya telah dikejutkan oleh makluman tentang ibu kepada jiran terdekat yang telah kembali ke rahmatullah...

Innalillahi Wainna Ilaihi Rojiuun....DariNya kita datang dan kepadaNya kita semua akan kembali....

Saya terkedu apabila menziarah jenazah arwah makcik itu...

Terbujur kaku...diam membisu...teringat saya tanpa ilmu, pasti saja beliau tidak akan disempurnakan segera..betah juger kita semua kepada kejiranan yang prihatin...itu tidak dapat dinafikan...

Lalu saya berfikir..dalam keadaan sedemikian..siapakah yang akan menyempurnakan jenazah itu...memastikan mayat tidak disakiti.....maruah/aurat dijaga rapi....???

Saya menitiskan airmata tatkala mendengar tangisan anak dan cucu beliau..seakan-akan merasai apa yangsaya rasai apabila kehilangan orang tua sendiri...

Dan seribu persoalan bermain di fikiran...

Mati pasti datang...dan sudahkah diri ini bersedia???

Sekiranay Ditakdirkan sya pergi dahulu...betahkah anak2 menguruskan diri ini??...sejuta doa agar anak2ku diberi kekuatan untuk mengharungi kehidupan...atau di mana saja saya berada..saya mahu disempurnakan sebegitu juger,,,pantas, rengkas dan praktikal...

Apa yang akan saya bawa sebagai bekal ke alam kubur yang gelap..kesorangan itu???Tinggallah kekasih hati, anak2, sanak saudara , kaum keluarga dan rakan taulan..Ditangisi mungkin?...didoakan harapan?

Saya berhenti disini dahulu....saya terfikir untuk menyenaraikan kepada kekasih hati dan anak2..segala wasiat beserta perkara2 yang patut dilakukan oleh keluarga apabila ahli keluarga mereka meninggal dunia...

Baru cuti sekolah kelmarin, saya bercerita kepada anak2..(hasil dari menonton drama melayu..)..sekiranya ibu terbujur kaku...buat itu dan ini, siap itu dan ini,,,,jgn panik...dll...saya berdoa segalanya mudah..bukankah Allah itu Maha Pemudah..Pengasih dan Penyayang...

Dan kenangan dan segala persoalan bermain di fikiran..bersama rindu yang tak mungkin akan pudar..kepada arwah orang tuaku...

Alfatihah..

My inner sayings...

“Wahai Tuhan kami! Janganlah Engkau hitung kami sebagai bersalah, jika kami lupa atau kami tersilap. Wahai Tuhan kami ! Janganlah Engkau bebankan kepada kami bebanan yang berat sebagaimana yang telah Engkau bebankan kepada orang-orang yang terdahulu daripada kami. Wahai Tuhan kami! janganlah Engkau pikulkan kepada kami apa yang kami tidak terdaya memikulnya. dan maafkanlah kesalahan kami, serta ampunkanlah dosa kami, dan berilah rahmat kepada kami. Engkaulah Penolong kami; oleh itu, tolonglah kami untuk mencapai kemenangan terhadap mereka yang kufur terhadap-Mu” [al-Baqarah 2: 286]

Small gifts, tame the heart

It is true all the way..just as true as the law of gravity that God creates...

The power of generousity...not merely in terms of material and kind....

It could be in terms of prayer, sacrifice..., help....like a fan=mous quote everybody knows...THE MORE U GIVE, THE MORE U GET...

One day one of my gals ask:"mama, do u we need to give when in fact we just have few?"(particularly at school when some of her friends always look forward to know what she bring to the school as bekal..)

And I said: : How do u feel, when u give?..Nice isn't it..definitely not
'...riak'....

I guess all these good values must be nurtured onto my kids and rest children of the world..

Give and be generous not because u want something in return..but as a host to God, The Most merciful and Most Kind..that we hope for Allah's blessings...to give us blessings in whatever our undertakings...

....In Islam, Our beloved prophet s.a.w encourages us to bring gift whenever we visit somebody....small things...tame the heart...

In fact , my late mother always remind me to prepare food and share with the visitors....for sure..the generosity shall stay in their heart..and I know...lots of my mums' friends wd regard her as very kind, generous...love her cooking...but me...I am still learning...plus, a slow worker...took a lot of energy to finish a dish..let alone do the housekeeping..ha..ha...not a good example my gals.

Have a nice day!Just a thought to share!!!

2 hours? can arrr?

I am in dilemma...

I read and understood..

Kids must endure at least 2 hours of revision/reading/homework etc..per day...

How???

I am pretty much occupied with house chores things...so overwhelm!!..plus my busy little man..wanting my attention all day long!...

Sigh!!

With two schools session...come night..after dinner..finish homework...play dolls some more...drawing some more..read comics somemore..accompany me watching Malay soap opera somemore...revise mengaji somemore...where on earth is the time???Ayah complain of my gals.tak habis nak main Dolls...

(P/s:Abang dear...depa tu masih anak2...just like Aisyah R.a...still main anak2 masa dinikahi Rasulullah s.a.w...)

Result of first test of 2010, out already...

Euwwwwwhhhh!!

I wonder how are my two big gals doing?...Oii...korang belajar tak kat sna?...

And I am sleepy....Zombie you all...

( O Allah..grant me with strength to carry out my duties...my vision...for you are The Most Powerful and Most Kind..)

Tonsil and March 2010 - wrap up!

Sorryy......very late updates!!!..guess this is my first ever story telling session....

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And in she went into the OT..accompanied by Ayah...before she got the G.A. jap...(she was holding ayah's hand until she's put into sleep..and mama kind of miss that moment...as that time mama was still at home, waiting for CH' Mok's to bring us ~mama, m4 & m5 to the hospital..)

(Ooo...hopefully we cd reach the hospital right after m3 was done with the tonsil removal...mama keep praying...p/s:..And CH' Mok belanja we all breakfast that morning...bliss!!)

About 10.30 we reached Al-Is*am hospital in KG B*ru.....

There she was..out from OT...half awake..but already moaning in pain...

"Mama, haus...haus..nak air..nak air."

OO.. no..no..Mama was in tears trying to comfort her... Ayah was very calm...even m4 and m5 cd sense the pain of their sister....

Mama just wet m3's lips with few drops of water..enough to make M3 to sleep again...but not for long...half an hour later..she was crying......( Ya Allah!..kasihanilah anaku...kuatkanlah semangatnya....permudahkanlah segalanya.....)

She had difficulty swallowing and speaking..Ayah was lot patient than mama when it comes to medicine!!..Bad mummy!!





And we were home, 2 days later..Alhamdulillah...

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M1 and M2 were at home too last school holidays...we were glued at home....borak, makan dan lepak..ha..ha...

And we managed to do housekkeping..plus, all the girls now enjoyed the spacious room of once mama&daddy enjoyed!..(I miss the air cond tho')..

Ayah and mama has decided to forgo the room to the girls...as we were thinking to shift one the smaller room for my only boy...akhirnya..telah diputuskan all 4 girls in one big room, 1 boy in another room (tapi dia ni mungkin lagi 3-4 tahun kot tidoq sendiri...)..and mama and ayah ambik je lah next room...


Oiissh..penat gak kemas dan pindah barang!!!..settled!

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M1 was awarded few gifts for her school's 2009 anugerah kecemerlangan...Alhamdulillah..

She was so eager to go to BSN to get her cert (sijil simpanan) been cash...

Few days before school end..all of us...went to R*wang....early morning and hope to do some shopping ...things they normally bring back to school..toiletteries lah, food lah..

But..and but...when we arrive at the Bsn counter, the person incharged said:
1."Maaf dik, sijil ni kena tunggu 45 hari dari tarikh keluar..baru boleh tunaikan"
2.:"Adik kena bayar rm12, untuk ganti kad atm hilang:..

Waakaka..kaa...ingat nak dpt extra rm100..kena lak bayar rm12...

SO ape nak shopping????..errggh.hhh

And dgn muka seposen si kakak pun kenen pada si adek...

"Dek, ko ade bape kat bank?..Akak pinjam dulu eh?"

And Kngah as usual..never lokek one.....off we went to Parkson...Kakak was happy...everybody else...too..sebab Kngah belanja lunch!!...


(Mama..dah kering poket!!!!!Even ayah's pocket was badly injured too...and waiting impatiently for EPF refund!!!)

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Ding-ding-dong
"Perhatian kepada penumpang, tren Express Senandung Malam Ke SIngapura.Sila beratur di depan platform B ..etc..."

KLOng is now love travelling back to and fro her school via train...ketapi tido....and with diskaun pelajar..50%...naik ketapi lagi murah dari naik bas, eg Tr*nsnasional Rm32 itewww....but mama was a little bit worry about safety...but alhamdulillah she was ok when she called us the next morning....all the way to Jb from Kl....time really flies.....she is independent now!

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M2: "Mama, nampak tak jubah adek?"

Mama:.."Aik......mana lah mama tau..kelmarin kan mama dah lipat masuk dlm lemari adek?

M2: "Tak de Ma..kot-kot kakak bawak balik skolah dia!!!"

Mama:..ADe ka...

And mama was sewing an instant jubah frantically just before m2 was scheduled to go back to her asrama...

Isshh..anak..anakk..habis jubah biru kesayangan mama terpaksa di 'trim'....

And we went to send kngah last 2 Sunday...

Funny, when we came back, I just remembered to peep under M2's cupboard....

Laa....bawah almari..jubah kamu Masturah!!!!

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m4: (came back from skola agama crying..)..Mama!..Mama!!

Mama: Nape yam???(terkejut lah jugak..apasal lak si anak patung ayah ni!!!)

M4: Mama, Iyam dpt nombor 1 pereksa bulanan skolah agama..rase nak pecah jantung!...

Mama & Iyam hugged each other...Alhamdulillah...she simply brilliant
(Yam...mama lagi nak pecah jantung every time tunggu keputusan periksa..semua anak-anak mama..dan Mama masih dan selalu berdoa agar anak2 mama cemerlang akhlak juger)

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While writing this m5 is sound asleap...afternoon nap...he has shown improvement....no astmatic no more!alhamdulillah..he loves pediature too!!

And M3 has no more tonsil now...( 2 weeks ago ) and she now enjoying the big hole...kemaruk makan lah jugak... a little pain some times near to her throat, some times next to her ear....(DOktor kate...urat2 saraf lah tu...!)..and we shall come back to another doctor at Audio Lab somewhere..nak buat test untuk her hearing...Pasrah aku kepadaMu, Ya Allah!

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Mama back to square one....planning and planning...thinking on how best o maximize quality time with her kids at home?, jimat berbelanja?, 2 jam cukupkah untuk anak2 mengulangkaji pelajaran?....etc...still and always missing my MOOnirah adn Mas2rah....and little man itu..si Bobi..semakin macam-macam..

Thanx to my friend, Salw*ni..for her tips on recuperation after tonsil removal and breastfeeding...

Sal, I love u Sal..thx for ur concern...

Thx all for doa...

Kenang Daku Dalam DOa mu...

Selingan...

(Sayup sayup terdengar)...

m3: Hello, ni siapa?

pemanggil: Nak cakap ngan mama?

m3: Mak saya tengah tidur...siapa ni?

***Mama pun terjaga dari tidur2 ayam tadi dan bingkas menyambut telepon dari M3*******

Mama: Hello...

M1:..err.saya nak cakap dengan mak saya....Mammmmmaaaaaaa!.Ni kakak lah!

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mama: ( dalam hati....mcm2 cara anak2ku menjawab talipon!)..:)))))

To You..

And for the sleepless nights...I think let me jot something here,

My 3rd gal shall undergo an operation for her enhanced tonsil..so big that the doctor said they're in stage 4 and as parents, what wd u think?

She has shown the symptoms from her very early age...selsema pagi, mengantuk dlm kelas..berdengkur itu perkara biasa!..(some time same kuat dengan her ayah!) time and again, we had few doctors suggesting to us to consider having her tonsils removed...For us, it sounds horrified..especially to her...tragic the maximum!..

We brought her to see an E-N-T specialist...oo..oo....she was so excited to get to see the inner side of her throat, ear and nose...at least she knows what are the things bothering her for quite some time...Dia dok ingat ade pasir kat dlm telinga lepas berkelah kat Tg Balau last Disember...Itu pasai asyik dok suruh ayah pi korek telinga....and ayah did!..but she still rase tak cukup dengar...So when we went to the specialist, the doctor said the adenoid and tonsils has grown together, hence making the pressure inside her ear became negative, pulling back her gegendang...OOoiisssshhhh..we listened and watched!Some hearing assessment were done and proven...there's problem in there!

Afraid of any further difficult outcome that might come...medical terms like sleep apnea, stop breathing for few seconds at night,recurring sore throat..sickness, sleepy head....low focus in the class....etc...left us with any other choices?...and since recently she mentioned, ade some frens calling her names..(even pakcik van sekolah!..~...Oii!..Pe*ak/ T*uli)..becos she didn't respond in time!..

Actually, I had long realised she was a bit slow in responding...like macam nak panggil dia..(dari tingkat bawah ke atas) macam nak kena jerit kuat sket..And kalau suruh perlahankan olume tv, dia suka nak tengok tv dekat2...
So we think it is about time..and of coz, ayah is busy thinking about the ringgit!

Please make du'a for us my blogger friend...for her operation and speedy recovery...I am hoping she would recover and at least would assist her in her well being and studies!

Mama sayang Maisarah!

Sentimental mood ..

What to doo...

Suddenly being sentimental..saw me listening to all oldies..while catching up with ironing etc..

But sad songs makes one sad also...(he..he..I am missing my big gals again...sob!sob!)..selalunya para2 ibu gitulah..

Well lets hear to some happy tune...Oo..Sudirman?


Or Kartina DAhari?

Taking a long break

Yes, I am..

I have to stop my writings...need to focus on other urgent matter..

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Just discovered my boy is mild asthmatic and my 3rd gal is stage 4 large tonsils+sinusitis....I am Florence nightingale..2 in 1 role..

(Last weekend was a hospital trip..) While M3 was nervous about her running nose and chances of peeping at the innerside of her ears, M5 had his first lung xtray and nebulizer..oowhhh...oh yes, he got that extra attention for his howlingg ....and of course daddy's pocket shrunk!!

Bad news to me too..deactivate my fb account..that's great!..but then..can I live wthout peeping into it?..Ha..ha..nanti ade msg..terlepas lak..

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I might come back to this blog..or perhaps a make-over...or perhaps create another blog...less stories about personal..less openness...more on interest..I don't know..obviously..it is difficult to put in writing nowdays...the madness of expressing....me and my expression...I am mad? Mental?..I am angry with myself or somebody else? Is it fair?Do one voices out?..Or just keep it inside..pretending ?I miss my dad?.Can I not just be calm and relax? I am exhausted?..why ask?

I hate my shortsightedness!!and I hate most, I cdn't focus on my part time accounting work!..Abhor, Double hate, Loath entirely!!!!..Soorryy..all the negative coming out!!

I need laughter!..So if u don't find me here, probably I am out there..finding something to tickle me up..boost the hydrogen level in my mind...

o..oo.. yes, I have this one funny scene ( at least it made me laugh!)..from The Grinch ~Jim Carrey...(Do not forget to 'pause' my music..)




...Sigh...

May tomorrow be a perfect day
May u find love and laughter along the way
May God keeps u in His tender care
till He brings us together again...